I don’t like what the holidays change me into. Oh I get a holiday spirit all right, only mine is the kind that spews toads and wears horns.
It starts with holiday confusion (A variation on gender confusion but as applied to the holidays) I never could figure out if I should celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, both or neither.
How to decorate? Blue and silver or red and green? Menoras or Christmass tree? Both at once and on top of each other? Which one should be more prominent? Which presence of which proves that both are suddenly meaningless?
Though I am usually a generous person, Holiday gifting expectations transform me into a selfish tightwad who hates to be told what to do, when to give or what to give.
Conversely, I become horribly controlling as to what others should do, and what and when they should give to me. (Respectively: everything, nothing, and never.)
And I’m absolutely outraged over displays of materialism, consumerism, overindulgence. What about the indignity of those poor Turkeys being gruesomely slaughtered? (especially yours of course, mine, not so much.) How many pieces of electronics do spoiled American children really need? (My kids being the exception to the rule: they really must have that PSP-ipod-flat-screened hovercraft.)
My neurosis in action looks a bit like this:
I bark at everything that moves.
I grow zits.
I shop, yes, but only the day before and under terrible strain. When it comes to Hannukah it means spending the whole day procrastinating, then driving around aimlessly in a state of pure dread in the search of the absolute perfect little something. Repeat that times eight nights of Hannukah, times this to the tenth power for Christmas
By the time new years arrive I look like this.
On January second I have myself a party and breathe a gargantuan sigh of relief.
All this to say that I'm thinking I should try something different this year. Reading the comments to Nadia’s post I realized that the holidays are a bit like sex. Maybe one doesn’t have to wait to be in the mood to get started, one gets started and that puts one in the mood. I’m hoping Blogging can change me. Your good influence will transform me, heal me. Change me from Grinch to the fairy godmother. I'm working on it this year.