Have a merry neurotic Christmas

I don’t like what the holidays change me into.  Oh I get a holiday spirit all right, only mine is the kind that spews toads and wears horns. 

It starts with holiday confusion (A variation on gender confusion but as applied to the holidays) I never could figure out if I should celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, both or neither. 

How to decorate?  Blue and silver or red and green? Menoras or Christmass tree?  Both at once and on top of each other?  Which one should be more prominent?  Which presence of which proves that both are suddenly meaningless?

Though I am usually a generous person, Holiday gifting expectations transform me into a selfish tightwad who hates to be told what to do, when to give or what to give.

 Conversely, I become horribly controlling as to what others should do, and what and when they should give to me. (Respectively: everything, nothing, and never.)

 And I’m absolutely outraged over displays of materialism, consumerism, overindulgence. What about the indignity of those poor Turkeys being gruesomely slaughtered? (especially yours of course, mine, not so much.) How many pieces of electronics do spoiled American children really need? (My kids being the exception to the rule: they really must have that PSP-ipod-flat-screened hovercraft.)

 My neurosis in action looks a bit like this:

 I bark at everything that moves.

 I grow zits.

 I shop, yes, but only the day before and under terrible strain. When it comes to Hannukah it means spending the whole day procrastinating, then driving around aimlessly in a state of pure dread in the search of the absolute perfect little something.  Repeat that times eight nights of Hannukah, times this to the tenth power for Christmas

 By the time new years arrive I look like this.

Picture of post holiday self borrowed here.

On January second I have myself a party and breathe a gargantuan sigh of relief.  

All this to say that I'm thinking I should try something different this year. Reading the comments to Nadia’s post I realized that the holidays are a bit like sex.  Maybe one doesn’t have to wait to be in the mood to get started, one gets started and that puts one in the mood.  I’m hoping Blogging can change me. Your good influence will transform me, heal me.  Change me from Grinch to the fairy godmother.  I'm working on it this year.

Comments

[Cat]

OMG, this is too funny I can barely stand it. Whta I hate the most is the holidays come SOOOO fast! Which is a true sign of aging. AARRGGHHHH. Personally, I do not like xmas and only do up the whole thing for my daughter. And she REFUSES to go visit family or go ANY WHERE else, she wants to be home! IIt drives me CRAZY! I spend too much money on alot of stuff people do not need. The whole lead up to xmas is an UGH and I am glad when it is over! Sorry to be a grinch and not much help. I LOVE all the pink in your living room!
Catherine

[Nikella]

Oh, my...no wonder you have mixed feelings about Christmas!
What I like about Christmas? I like that now as an adult I can celebrate it exactly how I would have liked it as a child.
That is why we start celebrating at December 1st...:)

[my castle in spain]

zut..i missed this post..i'm laughing and nodding at the same time. Le stress de Noël..i hate being under the come-on-smile-be-happy-it's Xmas pressure.

but then this year, i'm quite in the mood to celebrate a bit.

yesterday i was a bit bored and started to make an advent calendar.
perhaps you could start with that?
:-)

consider it as a preliminary of the final Christmassssy orgasm...

[Szilvia]

Oh Cornie!

I appologise, I laughed so hard reading this!

You know, talking about it usually helps to de-dramatize the stigma of the holiday insanity some of us go through.

For what it's worth, you seem to be a person with a sense of humor.

Whenever your blood starts boiling or your head starts spinning (or you start puking pea-soup Exorsist style): take a deep breath and laugh it off. Then, ask for help and remember, it's not the end of the world!

I'm battling some pre-christmas angst myself but you inspired me to throw it out in the open and blog about it. And I feels better already!

Thank you for sharing and remember to breathe!

;-)

[Szilvia]

I seem to be suffering from a mild case of internet dyslexia, this is the second time I misspell your name, Corine. Forgive me!

[virginia]

the vicktor frankl quote was in my holiday cards one year...his quote about auschwitz and hiroshima. my husband was outraged, but peace on earth requires remembrance of conflict past.

so, i was 'volunteered' to create decorated trees for a charity auction (8 years). i created outrageously wrapped boxes, never to be opened. i created odd themes because it was expected from me...everyone else used white lights, i used blue or amber or horrors...multi-colors. i made ornaments with tarot cards, and impossibly weird tree toppers. it made me feel better.

create a tree with blue lights and silver ornaments. make a december calendar instead of an advent calendar. make farolitos/luminarias with the star of david traced and cut out...line your driveway and light the farolitos for hannukah nights only.

your kids must be genetically creative...one night ask everyone to exchange handmade gifts(even something written). for another night, take everyone to target and create safe-aid kits for the homeless...band-aids, neosporin, toothbrushes, flashlights, socks etc.

love the dog, and i can relate.